I Must Be Dreaming: Chase

***Disclaimer-- If you are family, tread lightly on this message! I want y'all to read it, but if u are unsure if you are ready to hear news, that's okay! I love y'all either way, so I wanted u to have fair warning*

To quote him accurately, " Couldn't have been better timing, and this is definitely a God Thing!"

Wondering who I mean by "him"???

I mean Chase.

Yep he has resurfaced again because of me simply being in an irriated and distraught mood last night. Before you get on to me, please let me explain!

For non-family-readers, Chase is a family member who hasn't been in my life since we were children for a variety of complicated reasons. As I've mentioned before, I'm the baby of the fam... but he was the runner up. He's just 4 yrs older than me, and I love him with all my heart. We were able to reconnect 2 years ago almost, when my cousin finally found him on Myspace of all places, and haven't stopped talking since! We can laugh for hours on the phone, and have spent a lot of time catching up on the things in life that we've missed out on. The funny stories, the stories about parents, the missed moments, the devastating moments... and now we've been able to recently share the beautiful current moments as well.

Valentine's day of 2008 I got a call from him saying, " I wanted you to be one of the first to know, She said Yes! We're engaged!" just minutes after he proposed to his now wife. I'd talked to him for weeks while he made the decision out loud that April was the only person in the world for him, and then the the days before he finally proposed. So to have received that call was a blessing, and I was so estatic to be able to be apart of that moment. Moments like that I hope to continue to share-- But my hope is that it will progress to being in person, and that he will have a desire to reconnect with the other members of our family as well..... which leads me up to last night....

I'm rash.. I know it.. I do things because I can't hold myself back.. So last night this is the texting that occurred: K=me, C=Chase

K(9:02pm): Are you afraid to meet me for some reason, Chase?
C(9:34pm)
No I don't think so! Where did that come from? Pretty
big deal for me! but am not scared! I've called when I was around Atlanta and am
excited about it!!!

Let me interject, and explain that he and I made set plans to have dinner right before Thanksgiving. He was suppose to call me the next day and confirm.... And then I heard nothing from him at all til Christmas Day.. so needless to say I didn't not believe his comment at first..

K: I don't really know where it came from. It was just on my
mind today. It's on my mind all the time. i talk to Ankoo and my mom and my
grandma about it a lot, and I've tried to back off bothering u ever since
nov....

Sry to text u out of the blue.. prolly not my best idea!

C: No! I'm glad that you did! I miss you and I miss our fun talks! I really do! I miss my grandma and family! Did you know I lost my mawmaw not too long ago and haven't had a grandfather pretty much my whole life! It has meant so much that you found me and I let everyone know! My mom included! I just wasn't sure what was going on.

So please please give me a call tomorrow! Ill have my phone with
me all day! I love and miss you and the fam!!

We did keep talking for aleast another hour, but that was the big part that I wanted to be sure to share. If I could send my phone to each person in the fam I would! Since I can't I copied it word for word! I think it's important that y'all all know how much he loves us. ALL of Us.

A while later I told him, that I needed to know he's serious about moving forward, that its not just words, because I want that part of him and my family to be able to be healed, and he told me:

C:I understand! Just put yourself in my shoes. To know that you have a
whole family who loves you, prays for you and misses you!
C: Yes... It makes me feel good knowing that so many people love me and
haven't forgotten me! Ouh.. just hard to explain I guess

I reassured him that it's ok, that I do completely understand! And he made sure
to tell me before we both went to bed:

C: But I know you will talk to them about it, just understand I'm willing
to take that step forward with you
K:They do all understand- I think sometimes it's hard because they feel
helplessas to what happens next. its hard not to see someone u know is missing
that you love-- but everyoen knows it takes time

He was referring to OUR family! He still considers everyone one of you his cousins, and his aunts and uncles and his grandma. And the step, well that obviously is he and I and April meeting up.
I make no promises about how soon that will be. But God is in this. He's in charge not Me- and that's the way it's suppose to be. I will try to start being more upfront to everyone about what goes on, but I want to respect Chase- and somethings are just between he and I, just like somethings are personal between each one of you and myself, that I don't have a reason to share. I try to keep things to myself because I don't want to get anyones hopes up, but I think it's best to live in the moment and enjoy the daily blessings instead of just "waiting for the bigger picture."

Whether you are my blood relative or not, I'd venture to say that if you are still reading right now, you are my family through God. Please be in prayer for Chase, and myself and my family. We could all really use it. All please give Praise to Him for the hope and the blessings that He is already giving to us!

In His name,

P.S. Chase & April- If y'all ever find this and read this, I want you to know for sure that I love and miss both of you too! I'll always be here for both of y'all! Always and ForEver!